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Quotes - Comedy and Funny

A collection of funny quotes.

 

"If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers."

Charles Dickens

 

“Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously.”

G.K. Chesterton

 

"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death."

Saki

 

"My hour for tea is half-past five, and my buttered toast waits for nobody."

Wilkie Collins

 

"What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise."

Jerome K. Jerome

 

“Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.”

Sinclair Lewis

 

“it would never do for me to lose my wits in the presence of a man who had none too many of his own.”

Anna Katherine Green

 

“I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.”

Arthur Conan Doyle

 

“As I grow older, I regret to say that a detestable habit of thinking seems to be getting a hold of me.”

H. Rider Haggard

 

"It is a horrible demoralizing thing to be a lawyer. You look for such low motives in everyone and everything."

Katherine Tynan

 

"I might want you to flirt with me in order to avert my suicide in the pond through boredom...."

Herman Cyril Macneile

 

"What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?"

Henry David Thoreau

 

“The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.”

William Shakespeare

 

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” 

Mark Twain